Problems Telling My Ex That I Have Genital Herpes

by Tasha
(USA)

I was seeing someone for almost a year. Things were going well, we were happy & enjoyed one another. A few months ago he began to do the slow fade on me & now has just disappeared. He won't answer any of my texts or calls. Things began to change not long after we became intimate the first time, however he kept coming back telling me how much he loved being with me.


My problem is that I needed to see my OB-GYN doctor back in May for symptoms I was having, & she did a culture on me which showed positive gardnerella. I was treated with antibiotics, & went back to the doctor to have a repeat culture done, which was negative.

The doctor kept me on antibiotics due to beta strep in my urine. In the past, I've never ever had anything like this. So, while I was there, I asked her to do more tests so I could have peace of mind. Everything came back OK except that my HSV2 IGG Herpeselect AB came back greater than 5.0. I don't know if he gave it to me, or if it was from a previous relationship.

I am a nurse, & I feel it is my obligation to somehow get the message to him that I have this. I have recently been dealing with vaginal itching, & a recent outbreak of pinkeye, but my eye doctor said that if my pinkeye is Herpes-related, the HSV1 type usually causes that, which I don't have.

I have heard advice from some people on various message boards that say not to say anything to him as he has been ignoring me for 2 months now. I did say in my texts/voice messages that I left him that I had an important personal matter to discuss with him, but he won't reply back to me. Perhaps I should have said it was a health-related matter that could potentially involve him?
Please... this is beating me up. It's bad enough I've been so rejected by him, & now I have to live with the fact that I have HSV2, let alone that he doesn't even care about getting back with me. What should I do? I would not want to spell out this news in a voice mail or text, or even an email, which is why I've left the messages asking him to call me regarding an important personal matter. What would you do? Thank you...

Thank you for sharing your question with our community. It's admirable of you for trying to inform your ex. But I think you know what you should do, otherwise you would have simply taken the advice of the other people on the message boards.

There is only so much that you can do but it is your responsibility to tell him. It's only fair.

My advice would be to leave a message and/or send him an email stating that the important message is health related.

You could even send him an old fashioned certified letter with a signed return receipt. This would give you the documentation that you'll need...just in case he decides to pursue legal action.

Wishing You success and happiness!

Ed
LWGH

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Jan 16, 2012
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I've been slowly working through it
by: Tasha

It was a very difficult year for me last year. I had loved him with my whole heart, & he knew it. He has distanced himself so much from me, & he never wanted to talk about it. I don't think he even got checked, or else he would have told me, I'm sure. I will never truly understand why he did what he did; why he pulled away from me so much without any meaningful explanation whatsoever. The last time I saw him was in the supermarket a few weeks ago, & when he saw me, he just stared in shock. He knows how much he hurt me emotionally & physically, yet he doesn't seem to care at all. He ran away from it all. Yet, he shoots me a text very rarely when I least expect to hear from him, only to see what I'm up to. Perhaps this was all a game to him, but I am the one who has to live with this. Thank goodness I don't have any symptoms. I found out when I asked my doctor to run a ton of tests on me when I found some pictures on Facebook of him with another woman at an event that he & I used to attend. I am still hurting almost a year later, but I have been moving on, & seeing a counselor who has helped me as well. By the way, I only use the name Tasha here.....that is not my real name.

Jan 16, 2012
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sounds like my story a bit
by: Anonymous

Wow I feel like you're retelling my story and even worst part of it all he cheated on me with a girl named Tasha. I took him back many times after cheating in me. The last time we were together I got symptoms. He disappeared out of nowhere when everything was perfect. I left him a voicemail stating I think he gave me an std, I even texted him and no reply. When my Dr saw me down there she was positive It was herpes and I did come out positive for chlamydia. I called him while at the drs and surprise surprise he changed his number. I looked for him all over till I finally found him at work. He acted cold as if no big deal he never even asked me what std he didn't seem concerned to get checked but he confessed " he can't remember every single girl he cheated on me with but the first time it was some girl tasha" I convinced him to give me his new number and he's been telling me to leave him alone stop texting him he's not worried. I know it was him I've never cheated on him and I had gotten tested before bejng with him. So now here I am waiting for my herpes results feeling death unwanted and my world just fell apart. And hes nowhere near me to help me cope through this when he gave It to me. I never knew such a nasty human being existed. Iloved him so much and this is the price I pay for loving someone this much and taking him back everytime.

Aug 01, 2011
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Spoke on the phone
by: Tasha

Here's my update....
He texted me early this morning to see if we could talk. I suggested a face to face meeting, but he was working, so we talked on the phone for almost an hour. He said that this was on his mind all weekend because he didn't know what it was that I had wanted to speak with him about. When I told him what I had was Type 2 Herpes, all he did was apologize to me as if he was the one who gave it to me. He is not even sure if he has it or not, but he is going to get checked. I explained to him what it was; he seemed to think he may have it, only because he told me that he has had a few groin pimples/blisters that come & go, and he also had a sacral fluid filled cyst last year that needed to be excised. Supposedly it was never checked for what the fluid was. He was never tested before, but now he said he will go for a test to be sure. I kept reassurring him that this is something that many people don't realize they have. He has been thinking about if he does come back positive, who would have been the one who gave it to him. He said he only had one other partner prior to me.
I'm almost sure he will keep me informed once he does get the test done. He sounded really worried about it, & about how he would never have thought those blisters could be realted to this.

Jul 29, 2011
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I made contact with him...
by: Tasha


This afternoon, I decided enough was enough. I felt that I could not rest my conscience any longer without him knowing. Rather than leave a voicemail for him, which in the past never works cause he never liked talking on the phone, I decided to send him a text message..only this time saying that the important personal matter I have wanted to discuss with him is due to a health-related matter. I figured by saying health-related, he may reply. And so he did...he did text back. I was shocked to say the least. After dead silence for two months, to see any kind of life out of him was a shock to me. But in my heart, I had felt that he would. He asked if we could speak about this next week as he was traveling for his job this weekend. I agreed to it. He did ask me what it was I wanted to tell him, but I said I was not going to say what it was in a text. I felt we needed to talk. So, I will see if he will follow thru with his intent on calling next week. He did ask me what symptoms I was having, & that he doesn't have any symptoms. I told him that it was my obligation to tell him, especially being a nurse. He thanked me. So, we will see what happens next week.

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