Never Learned to Deal With My HSV-2 Diagnosis

by Tony
(Colorado)

It has been over twenty-two years since I contracted HSV2, and to this day at age fifty not a day goes by that I don't agonize over

my condition, and the mental toll it has taken has been enormous.

I got it when I was twenty-nine, and was so horrified that I never even told my then live in girlfriend, and I broke up with her without
her ever knowing why. I was too embarrassed to tell her and filled with shame.

I then fell into a cycle of severe depression anger and guilt and feeling disgusting and diseased that still plagues me to this day. I simply have never been able to accept this disease I have been given, but the worst part is that my sex life has been non-existent, I completely became anti-social, and withdrawn from any social activities.

I have had many suicidal thoughts in the past and have been to therapists, but nothing seems to help. My story is not one of success and learning to live with herpes; for the most part herpes was the end of my life; I lost my passion for life, my motivation, and my sense of humor.

Mostly I hate myself and my friends all know me as an inexplicably depressed and angry person, and not having sex for twenty years plus has just killed my spirit utterly, especially since I have always been a very physical kind of guy and very athletic with a high sex drive and the lack of intimacy and not knowing the pleasures of a woman's body anymore has left me feeling sick and empty and totally worthless.

I guess my story is an example of worst case scenario, and I don't want to be so negative, but this is my story and it is my truth; I don't think I can be helped at this point...

My outbreaks are few these days, but it always comes back to remind me that I am diseased and it's still with me. I miss women and I miss my life and most of all I miss being a happy person.


Thank you for sharing your story with our community. Unfortunately, your story is typical and I hear it a lot more often than you could imagine. The unique part of it is that you've let this virus utterly control and ruin your life for the past 22 years.

I'm not a therapist nor do I pretend to be. I'm just a guy who has been living with HSV-2 for over 20 years and has learned how to use this condition to my advantage and live a great life. But most importantly, I feel passionate about helping others do the same. I also feel compelled to offer my guidance to people who use this website to tell their stories and your story is no different...so here goes.

Since I'm not a therapist, I'm not bound to the "touchy-feely" standards that they are. In my opinion, most therapists are just expensive friends who have a financial motive to keep you coming back for more help. I don't make one penny by being sympathetic with you and leading you down an endless path of self-help crap that will make you worse. My business is not going to suffer one bit if you decide to never return to this website.

With that being said, you have to drop this self-pity mind-set. The past is over. Done. Forget it. You can’t change it.

The future is only going to arrive because of what you do in this moment. You are deciding your future as you sit there reading these words.

Stop using HSV as your crutch for all the things that you are afraid to face. Stop being a coward and scared of life with HSV. If you’re not getting what you want out of life, don’t be so arrogant and selfish that you keep holding onto your self-defeating beliefs.

Not having experienced the sexual pleasures of a woman for over 20 years is like being in prison. The unfortunate part of it is this is a self-imposed prison sentence. However, the great part about this is since you've put yourself there, you have the keys to your freedom too!

Let yourself out of your jail cell. This thing I call "life with herpes" can be great! I'm a proud example of it. And you can experience it too...if you can stop being scared and face your fears directly. You've got to be so pissed off and disgusted with your life that you find the power to change it. You've got to let go of all of this crap that has poisoned your life for 22 years.

After all, you put yourself in this self-made prison...you're going to have to be the one to take yourself out.

You can change your life. You can experience the pleasures of a woman again. You can be happy again. You made up these stupid rules for yourself. So, change the rules, change your way of thinking and you'll change your life.

I'll close by quoting Budda..."When the student is ready, the Master will appear."

Tony, I truly wish you great success and happiness. I hope you allow yourself to enjoy it.

Ed
LWGH








Comments for Never Learned to Deal With My HSV-2 Diagnosis

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Mar 28, 2012
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HOPE
by: Anonymous

I was thinking of stories like yours when I wrote on the Herpes Blog. Please read my post "you are not your vagina/penis". Take care.

Jan 08, 2012
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Tony's Gift
by: Lynne Gordon

Tony, I hope you listen real close to what Ed said because it is the honest truth.

Your life is a gift given to you to live fully with joy and love. You were placed on this earth to be happy and to be a source of happiness for someone else. You can still experience all the joy life has for you... just open up and let the rest of us in!

You have suffered long enough, don't you think?

I believe you have paid much too high a price for a condition that you had no hand in creating. If you had created this virus and set it loose upon the earth, then you would be right to live in condemnation,fear, and disgust... but you didn't.

All you did was run into it as you were going about your life... just like every other experience we run into as we go about our lives.

We can not ever let any experience devastate us so that we withdraw from this beautiful gift called life. We must keep going, always, until our time upon this earth is done.

You must keep going until your time upon this earth is done.

If you don't do it for your self... then do it for that person who loves you and who's been waiting for the last 20 years for you to wake up.

Jan 08, 2012
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No choice but to live with it!
by: Anonymous

I just recently divorced and the control and manipulation I dealt with is over. I was ready to live life free again and then........
I was diagonosed with HSV2 and I have read and read and read. It does not make me feel any better being educated on it. The fact still remains is that I will have this the rest of my life. I feel like the relationship side of my life is over but I still have a desire to enjoy life like travelling, spending time with my family and enjoying time on my patio. At some point I would love a healthy relationship with someone but so many people are scared and ignorant as I would be if someone I was interested in had to share with me that they had HSV2. I don't want to be miserable 10 or 20 years from now. I had to decide that this HSV2 is not going to control my life. Everything in life is a decision whether it be practicing safe sex or not, speeding and getting a ticket behind it, talking a big gulp of hot coffee before blowing it. For every action there is a consequence. I have learned to accept the consequences of my actions even if I was not deliberately trying to give myself an infection/disease, getting a speeding ticket or burning my tongue and throat. Life is what it is.
Maybe oneday I will be able to discuss what I have with a person I am interested in but for now I'm still going to enjoy my life. Being newly divorced is my escape for now because I don't want a relationship right now. I will cross that road when I get to it. But for now I am going to enjoy life.

Dec 04, 2011
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The Talking Webpage is Right, Tony!
by: OxygenLynne

Your feelings of disgust and low self-esteem are unfounded and you should not allow them to decide your fate or control your life.

You must remember that first and foremost, you are a spirit living inside a flesh body. A spirit that will live forever. A spark of the divine that can witness other divine creatures and happenings when on that same plane.

Don't get so caught up in the flesh that you allow it to ruin your one time to experience life! Life itself is worth any journey, even the one thru self-hate and denial.

Accept life's challenge and rise above anything and everything that would keep you from enjoying a happy life.

You deserve a good life, full of fun and friends.

Go take your life back, Tony! The rest of us are waiting for you!

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