My Husband Has Genital Herpes!

by Kim
(Decatur, AL)

My husband and I have been married for 20 years. We have two great kids, a nice house, a dog and up until recently I thought we were madly in love with each other.

About two months ago my husband found sores on his penis. At first he didn’t think too much about it because after a few days the sores disappeared. A couple of weeks later the sores came back in the same spot. To make a long story short, he went to his doctor, had some tests done and a few days later he was diagnosed with genital herpes.

I couldn’t believe it! I immediately had a herpes blood test and found out that I don’t have genital herpes.

The major problem that I’m having is that my husband will not admit how he got it. I know that he has been under a lot of stress from work and I suspect that he probably had an affair. But he simply will not admit it!

If he would just be honest and tell me the truth then we can begin the healing process and move on.

Please give me some advice!

Hi KIm and Welcome to our site!

I'm going to give you a little tough love here. You need to do some homework and research before you start jumping to conclusions about your husband's fidelity.

Here are just a few facts:

1. People can have genital herpes for many years and not be aware of it.

2. People can get genital herpes from oral sex

3. Being diagnosed with genital herpes does not mean that your spouse cheated

4. 90% of the people who have genital herpes don't know it!

5. Genital herpes is not included in a typical STD testing panel

Now I'm not telling you that your husband didn't have an affair but rather I'm telling you that just because he has genital herpes doesn't automatically mean that he cheated.

If trust is an issue in your marriage then you've got bigger problems than herpes.

Take Care and Keep in Touch


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Oct 13, 2016
by: Anonymous

You cannot trust this man any longer. What is next hiv , hpv warts ? Stress is no excuse to cheat on your spouse of 20 years , I'm so sorry. If you stay you have to be a babysitter the rest of your life. Once a cheater always a cheater ~

Aug 08, 2014
20 years immune??
by: Anonymous

You didn't address this question...If her husband has had Herpes for 20 years, why doesn't she have it?????????

She didn't ask why she didn't have genital herpes. She had her mind made up that her husband cheated because he tested positive and she didn't.

The fact is that unless he admits that he cheated or she somehow finds out that he cheated, the possibility that he had it for 20 years or more without knowing is a possibility.

There could be other things at play here that the OP hasn't told us about or simply doesn't know...such as,

Her husband could have known that he was infected before they were married and simply hid it from his wife until he simply couldn't hide it any longer. It can be done.

I'm not saying that the guy cheated or not. I'm not saying he had it for a long time and didn't know it. I'm not saying that he knew that he had genital herpes and hid it from her for over 20 years. What I am saying is that he "might not" have cheated and that she shouldn't jump to any conclusions unless she has solid proof. A 20-year marriage is at stake.

Thanks for your comment!


Dec 12, 2011
Genital Herpes is a VIRUS
by: Anonymous

The fact is, calling HSV-2 "genital" herpes is something of a misnomer. Yes, HSV-2 resides in the ganglia near the spine, and normally erupts in the genitalia. But it can be transmitted as easily as HSV-1, by contact with the sores or sloughed-off skin. With oral sex as prevalent as it is today, it could be contracted through kissing someone with a sore on their mouth, who contracted it through oral sex. Sure, it is unlikely that anyone would kiss someone else with sores on their mouth, but this is a VERY easily transmitted virus and people are more and more uncaring of their unsanitary and reckless behaviors - in spite of all the "education" out there.

Your husband really might not know how he got it! Did he have sex (orally or otherwise) with anyone before you were married? Have you ever given oral sex or had genital contact with another man, before you were married? Did someone with HSV have sores on their penis, take a piss, then shake hands with your husband and then he transmitted the virus to himself? This is a common VIRUS, and we live in a non-sanitary, sexually promiscuous culture. We're going to see more and more viruses crop up. Cut your husband a break. Go get yourself tested. If you have it, too, then he has equal reason to wonder if YOU gave it to him from your past behavior.

Nov 17, 2011
Genital Herpes is an STD!
by: Anonymous

Excuse me? He got genital herpes, a sexually transmitted disease and it doesn't mean he got it from cheating? Please! My husband caught it too, back when he was in the Navy and pulled the same lines. He must have gotten it from a toilet seat, he said. For years he was in denial and I tried to believe he didn't cheat but guess what? Then,after five years, I got to meet the woman he had been with because she just happened to be looking for him, and on top of that, I found a whole bunch of emails he had written to others stating he had genital herpes and before he slept with them he wanted them to know. Trust me, I left. I got divorced. He continued to deny it even though I had all of the evidence. It's been a long time since I have seen him but just recently, through mutual friends I found out he was getting married and he's on Valtrex. Imagine how unsurprised I was when I found out he also married someone WITH herpes. Your husband may have not had intercourse, but he had some sexual contact with an infected partner. Question is, do you want to stick around to find out if you have it? And if so, is it worth it to stay with him? I say no thanks. I came up clean and I left mine! Good luck!

Thanks for your comment but the point that I was trying to make was just because he has herpes doesn't mean that he automatically cheated.

The facts about herpes are clear. As many as 90% of the people who are infected with genital herpes DO NOT know it. He could have been one of those people.

She described her marriage as being happy and loving so it would have been totally irresponsible of me to support her feelings about his affair, when in reality he could have easily gotten the virus BEFORE he was ever married to her.

The whole point behind my response was to have more trust in her happy and loving marriage because it is highly possible that her husband is telling the truth.

Wishing you success and happiness


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