I'm 45 and now I Have Herpes

by John
(Florida )

To begin with 2015 was going pretty good for me with a few ups and downs but mostly good. I had a pretty good friend relationship with this girl and we would see each other now and then. We would go out have and drinks, go to the movies go back to my place and have awesome sex. That kind of fizzled out early Dec.2015.

So anyway I hooked up with this girl on the internet who I knew growing up. She comes to stay with me for a week and things are pretty good…lots of sex. She leaves and goes back home.
Anyway New Year’s eve I’m at the bar and my ex-girlfriend texts me...I’d had a few drinks so I’m pretty festive. I tell her come on down. We end up going back to my place and pass out and have sex in the morning.

So a few days later I notice a pimple on the side of my groin and I think it’s some sort of insect bite. And it starts to hurt. It looked like a boil. To make a long story short, I went to the Doctor and he looks at it and by this time it starting to heal however I had some red speckles on my testicles. The Doctor says it looks like Herpes but to make sure we did a blood test. Sure enough it comes back positive.

Herpes is last thing I ever thought that I would get…didn't even consider it. The doctor says I could have had this for a very long time and now it just now showed its face. I let the girls know what was up. The one that came to see me got tested and said everything came back negative. My ex says she has not been with anyone since me from way before and has no signs or symptoms.
All I know that ever since I was diagnosed with this I have not been able to sleep well. I have anxiety in bed and toss and turn all night. I feel like there's no hope at finding anyone to be with now. When I get off work, I just want to not be around anybody. This is not like me.

I know that I’m not going to die...however my mind keeps thinking of what if this…what if I did that...stuff I can't change. I look around now and wonder who else has this. My doctor said its quite common but no one is walking around with a sigh on them saying here I am. It’s been almost a month since I found out.

2016 has not been my year so far.

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Jul 08, 2016
Not alone!
by: Angelina

Thanks for your comments - I came to this site looking for some sense of community (weird word for this, I know) because I also contracted this in my late 40's. A little gift from my now-ex. I guess I thought since he stayed with me after my doc found that I had the virus, that it meant I wouldn't have to "be out there"dating again and emotionally, I wasn't too bothered. Until last year when my relationship went south...and we broke up, and now I'm single again and have no idea how to start dating and when/how to bring this up. This site is helpful, and just reading others comments, like yours, make me feel not quite as alone.

I still believe that the right guy - an amazing guy- will see me for who I am and accept all of me, regardless of this virus. But I'm not sure how to take the first steps to find such a person. Maybe I'm just not ready yet.

2016 is a transitional year for many people - for many different reasons. Just think of it as party of your journey, and let it unfold as it will!

Apr 21, 2016
3 Months
by: John

Its been 3 Months since the Doctor told me my results. Im on suppressive therpy right now...taking a blue pill daily..that seens to help alot with my mind. I feel that im taking a pro active stance. I was having reoccurring breakouts so i ask the Doc if i could do this for a while. Mentally im better then where i was even a month ago. My workouts have gotten better and I've physically become stronger. Im thinking about the online dating sites. Im not throwing in the white towel.

Apr 21, 2016
44 and caught it also
by: Anonymous

Not much to say, still trying to figure it out.

Feb 28, 2016
The Psychological Part of a Herpes Diagnosis is the Hardest Part
by: Ed

For many people the psychological part of a diagnosis is truly the hardest part. Dealing with all of the physical aspects is easy. For 45 years your mind has been conditioned to think of herpes or people who have herpes in a certain negative way and that has been your only frame of reference. And now, all of a sudden you've become a part of that reference and you're going to have to fight through the stigma that you've created in your own mind.

And after 45 years you have to basically re-learn what having this virus means. The great part of it is that overwhelming majority of the stigma is wrong. Your frame of reference was wrong.

It took me years to finally rid myself of the chains that I had placed around myself. For me, genital herpes was this giant monster that influenced a lot of aspects in my life. It scared me so much that it kept me from finding true happiness. Looking back, I can't believe that I let herpes control me like it did. I wasted a lot of years and I wouldn't want anyone to go through that.

So take some time to process this and learn how to manage your outbreaks. But don't use took much time. At 45 life tends to speed up regardless of whether or not you have herpes.

If you get stuck on something, don't be afraid to reach out for advice. Shoot me an email sometime and let me know how you're doing.


Feb 26, 2016
Thx Ed
by: John

Thx Ed for your response it means alot to me. I have had trouble sleeping. Alot of thinking what if this and what if that. Its only been about a month since i found out i had this. Its definitely affected my workouts thinking whats the point. However im trying to fight through this. I think i just need time to process the reality of this. This really plays a psychological battle in the mind. Physically im Ok,not dieing or anything..but my mind has been full of WTF. what ifs.45years of age..really.?

Feb 25, 2016
Herpes Diagnosis Doesn't Have to Riun the Rest of the Year
by: Ed

Thanks John for sharing your story with our community. I'm sure that there are a lot of people who can relate to it.

Listen the emotions and feelings that you are experiencing are normal. I actually think that you're handling the diagnosis well and a lot better than most people who have just been diagnosed. So I feel that you have a good head start in recovering from the bad start to the new year and finish it out strong.

Nothing really has changed. You can still enjoy your life to the fullest and most likely...if you can keep your head straight...have a more fulfilling life than you've ever had.

Herpes doesn't make your life good or bad. It doesn't define you as a person. So don't let it.

Sure, you may need to make a few changes. You're going to have to pay more attention to your body and what happens to it before, during and after outbreaks. Learning this will help you know when you're about to have an outbreak. The earlier that you can begin treating the outbreak the better you can reduce the length and severity of it.

You will also find out what triggers outbreaks to begin with. Avoiding these triggers will help you lessen the number of outbreaks that you'll have.

And most importantly, don't worry about finding women who will want to be with you. Based on your story, you must have a strong "game". This is a very good foundation. Just use your charm and be honest and you'll be fine. Your honesty will more than likely bring out their honesty. You'll be surprised to find out the number of people who have herpes.

The next time that you're at your favorite watering hole just look around and know that 1 of every 6 people you see has the herpes virus. We may not be wearing a sign but we are there.

Don't be afraid of being rejected. It's going to happen so just face that fact right now. We all get rejected and it may not be because of herpes. It just may be their excuse to get rid of you. And that's OK. One less person that you'll need to worry about. That rejection probably saved you a whole lot of money and a lot more drama!

Don't let the crappy start to 2016 ruin the rest of the year. Remember, its your choice on how you deal with the diagnosis. Choose to be amazing.


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