I Think I Have Herpes: Is My Girlfriend Cheating On Me?

by Michael
(San Angelo)

I've been having sex with one partner for the last year with no symptoms of any kind or outbreaks.

All of a sudden I noticed a small group of blister/pimple like bumps where the hair of my private area would usually be, not referring to my testicles but the area above my penis.

I read on your FAQ section that you usually show symptoms 21 days after being infected.

My question is is it safe to assume that my partner has recently caught the virus herself making it possible to pass the virus on to me?

Or is it possible that she's had the virus the whole year we have been together and just now passed it to me?

Hi Michael and thank you for submitting your question. I'm sure that other people are facing the same situation and have the same questions. Hopefully I can help clear up some of your confusion...or make you even more confused :)

Anyway, as I read your question the first thing that came into my mind was I'm not totally convinced that you have herpes. And based upon your question, I'm not sure that you even know for sure either.

Although, I'm sure that you have been researching the signs and symptoms of this irritating skin condition, I have to caution you that most people get it wrong. The only way of knowing for sure is to get yourself to the doctor and get yourself tested. Depending on the stage of the suspected outbreak, you have a few testing options available.

So my first words of advice is get yourself tested before you start searching for the person who gave it to you.

People who have been recently exposed to the virus that causes genital herpes will usually experience symptoms between 7 and 21 days. As with many things about HSV-2 the majority of it's characteristics and behaviors, your body's immune system is ultimately the determining factor in how this virus reacts and behaves.

A healthy person with a relatively strong immune system, may not experience signs or symptoms for months or even years after they are exposed. It's is estimated that as many as 90% of people who have genital herpes do not know that they have it.

So when answering your first question, is it safe to assume that your partner has recently been exposed to the virus...my answer is a resounding "NO". It's not safe to assume this.

Contrary to popular belief, catching genital herpes is not automatic and is relatively hard. Unless your partner was experiencing a full blown outbreak (or just before having an outbreak)your chances of getting herpes is small. Of course, the more that you have sex the more chances you take of catching the virus. So to answer your second question, Yes...it is quite possible that your partner has had the virus for the entire year.

But it is also possible that you caught the virus from her months ago and it's only now that your own immune system has been compromised or weakened enough for you to have an outbreak.

And that brings me to my next thing for you to consider. You may have had the virus and unknowingly introduced it to your partner. Yea...the shoe could be on the other foot. It is equally possible that you may have introduced the virus into your relationship. Just because you have noticed symptoms first doesn't necessarily mean that you caught it from your partner. You could have been one of the 90% who has genital herpes and not know it.

However, there is a way of narrowing it down and be relatively certain.

Did you have a Herpes specific blood test done and received a "Negative" result BEFORE you had sex with your partner? Herpes testing is often NOT a part of standard STD testing protocol...you must ask for it specifically.

If yes, then were you celibate for at least 3 months prior to the test? A herpes blood test checks for herpes antibodies in your body and it can take up to 3 months before they appear in your blood.

If you had done the items listed above then you can reasonably assume that your partner passed the virus on to you...but that doesn't mean that she cheated on you.

My point in all of this is that there are way too many variables in your situation to be absolutely certain. I know that you want definitive answers...we all do...but it's very difficult with this virus.

The important thing for you to do now is to get yourself tested. If you're positive, then speak with your partner gently without making accusations. If during the conversation you find out that she knew that she had it, then it's up to you to go forward with the relationship.

If she is as shocked as you, then she needs to also get tested.

Wishing You Success and Happiness!

Feel free to ask more questions here or send me an email at lwgh2010@yahoo.com


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