Herpes Simplex 1 - Feeling Firty and Confused

by Anonymous
(Monterey, CA)

I grew up in a family that most would consider perfect in almost every way. If i knew then what i know now.......only if i knew then what i know now!

It was new years 2008, great night by all other means. I met a guy who was handsome, witty, and all about me. We talked and kissed all night. I woke up the next day with a blister on my lip. Hoping, praying it was a zit, i popped it. but it didn't pop like a zit, it oozed like what i read cold sores acted. I couldn't believe it, my heart dropped, and i went through a depression that lasted for a few months until i realized that most people have cold sores. I slowly picked up the pieces and just accepted that I'd have to deal with this new "thing" in my life.....

But now my heart has dropped again. Last week i noticed a zit on my chin. the next day the zit turned into 4 zits and looked more like cold sores. But how could this be? You don't get cold sores on your chin? After more research i found that, yes, you can get the herpes simplex 1 virus just about anywhere on your face. I was/AM devastated. This outbreak is not one i can hide with makeup like the ones i get on my lips.

Ive called into work sick, too embarrassed to show my face anywhere. Ive called my parents to tell them I'm too sick to come home this weekend. What did i do in life to deserve this? If God has a plan for everyone, then why does my plan include herpes??

This most recent chin breakout came a month after i met Mike. He's a sweet guy, very relationship oriented, believes in God, believes in monogamy, and seems to really care for me. I trust him completely, but i also have reason to believe that he passed this most recent strain of HSV to me. I went to the doctor to get a culture done and some blood work to see if this most recent outbreak is a new strain. What will i do if it turns out he gave me this horrendous strain of HSV? I care for him, but i think there may be a slight feeling of resentment. how would you deal with this? He is very caring and has supported me thoroughly through this disgusting outbreak. But at the same time he may have given me the worst form of HSV.

What about our sex lives? the possibility of transmission to the genitals. Am i doomed? If i leave him, i have to explain to the next person the possible risks. if I don't leave him i have to worry about the possible transmission from mouth to genitals. I feel so dirty and damaged. even when i see another person with a cold sore, i think its dirty and gross. i could only imagine what people would think if they saw this outbreak on my chin. I feel like I'm not human sometimes, like I should be left in the gutter. Why does this have to be? why has this happened to me? Why now do i have to be persecuted every time I have a break out? why do I have to be so...

Dear Anonymous:

Thank you so much for sharing and having the courage to tell us your story. I know that this recent HSV outbreak is difficult but it is highly doubtful that your new friend gave you a new strain of the virus.

However, it is likely that you have had the herpes simplex virus for a long time dating back to 2008. Patiently wait for your test results and then write us back. There is no use being scared of the unknown and stressing out about it now. Stress will likely prolong your outbreak and could possibly trigger another soon. Calm down.

Until your next message,


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