Genital Herpes Makes Me Not Feel Worthly of A Relationship

by monique


I was diagnosed about 6 months ago! I was devastated, sad, mad,and couldn't understand...'WHY ME'. I have always been careful and always used protection. However, when the doctor told me that I had genital herpes, I immediately knew where I contracted it from!!

My ex(my son's father) and I dated for about 16 years, after I found out I was pregnant, he told me that he put a hole in his condom to get me pregnant on purpose and then told me he had HERPES!

I couldn't believe that he actually said it all in one breath! I can't begin to tell you all of the emotions that hit me at once. And I prayed that nothing would harm my unborn son.

So, after getting this information, I left the relationship and vowed never to have sex again. But now, 8 years later of being celibate I have met someone who is really an awesome guy.

However I'm having feelings of being dirty, unclean, and truly don't feel worthy of having this great person in my life.

I have no idea how to address this with him. I mean, I tried really hard not to get involved with anyone...but this guy has stolen my heart after courting me for over a year.

I'm really scared and I'm actually thinking of just ending the relationship. I don't think it's fair to jeopardize his health by being with me.

I can't stop crying about having genital herpes, and the sores are extremely painful and so embarrassing. How can I ever be happy again, and learn to control this disease?

So confused and sad! I hate this.......

Thank you for sharing your story with our community. Trust me, you are not alone in your struggles. There are many people just like you all over the world who share your thoughts.

But more importantly, take comfort knowing that there are many more people living a happy and fulfilling life herpes...including me.

So what's the difference between them and you? It's their beliefs about the virus. I look at having herpes as a gift from God. A wonderful gift that has made me a stronger person. A gift that has forced me to take a closer look at intimate relationships and discover the true meaning of love and intimacy. A gift that was given to me that I can use as a tool to help other people cope with genital herpes by sharing my own experiences, so they don't have to go through the same problems as I once did.

I was just like you. Having negative feelings of being dirty and undeserving of loving that one-in-a-million person.

Because of my negative beliefs, I kept running away from loving the right people and fell into many unhealthy and unfulfilled relationships with people who...for lack of a better word....were toxic.

You need to understand that herpes is not making you feel dirty. Herpes is not making you feel undeserving of finding love. Right now, your mind is your own worse enemy. You're going to have to get pissed off at the way your life is. Mad enough to change your feelings about herpes. Mad enough to not be afraid of loving the people who actually make you happy. It's only then can you break free of the prison your mind put you in.

It really is a simple process but its very hard for people to understand. Change your thoughts about herpes and you'll open a whole new world of happiness.

The number of outbreaks and physical pain that you are experiencing can be managed with the right treatments. It just takes time to figure out what works and what doesn't. Don't be afraid or embarrassed to speak openly with your doctor openly about your outbreaks. With a little time and persistence you'll be able to easily control herpes.

I truly wish you happiness with your new relationship but until you find your own peace...your own little place in the world where you can be relaxed and calm, any relationship will struggle to be what you deserve.

As much as you think you are doing the right thing by ending the relationship because it's not fair to jeopardize his health by being with you, I feel this is a huge mistake!

It's not your choice to decide his feelings about dating someone with herpes. What you are actually doing is taking away HIS choice of being with you. Unless this guy is a minor, he is more than capable of choosing who he wants to be with...with or without herpes. Don't make this mistake! You might just be passing up the very person who can bring joy back to your life.

Wishing you success and happiness,


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