Genital Herpes Has Stripped Me of Hope
(United Kingdom, England)
After my first love and longest relationship broke up with me without a specific reason I was completely heartbroken. He kept telling me how much he still loved me and he just needed a break. After a long 3 months later I decided it was time to call it a day with the relationship as he had no intention of getting back with me.
I was out with my friends one night drowning my sorrows when I found out he had lied to me for the past year and he had cheated on me on a lads holiday. Because of this I became more intoxicated so much so I couldn't walk.
A boy took me to his house and we had sex. About a week later I had tonsillitis and I had a very sore swollen gland.
So I went to the doctor and he told me to get checked out as it could be a sexual infection causing my glands to swell. As I was taking antibiotics for my tonsillitis I thought I had thrush, how could I have been so wrong?
I will never forget the day I was diagnosed with genital herpes. The nurse said to me as I went back for my results, "Did the nurse tell you you have Herpes type 2 last time?" I was so shocked I can't remember anything else she said after I responded with a no.
I just had the words, "you're 18 and you have a sexually transmitted disease that will never go away, nobody will ever want you now!!"
I have only had the virus around 2 months now. I have my good days and my bad days. Today I was having a bad day so I decided to do more research and I stumbled across this wonderful site. It has really helped, however I have always been one with low self esteem and when I have a bad day I can't help but think how stupid I was that night to get myself so drunk I couldn't walk to find myself in another man's bed and a sexually transmitted disease.
I understand it may not have been him but I do remember seeing a blister type sore on his penis the next morning when he wanted sex again and I said no,
and because my symptoms had came 7 days after it makes me think it was him.
But more importantly, I also know my life is not over and I can have healthy children however coming to terms with something I thought would never happen and being depressed prior to diagnoses and even the relationship I was in, I feel this virus has stripped me of every bit hope I had for life.
The day I was diagnosed was also the day my beautiful third nephew was born and it kills me to think I will never celebrate his birthday and I will see the day as a day of mourning and when my life was over.
I often think just 8 months ago I was in a very very happy relationship. I had started believing in myself and able to control my depression a lot more with out medication and so many counseling sessions.
I was young and in love with a partner I thought I would never ever deserve and I was so lucky to have him. I just wish I could turn back time and do things differently.
However most of all I wish I could come to terms with the way I am today and start believing in myself again and get out of the deep dark hole I have gotten myself into with my stupid actions.
Thanks for reading it has really helped me being able to get this off my chest. I have only told two people my two close friends. I can't bare to tell any of my family because of the shame and knowing how much disappointment I have brought on my late grandmother.Thank you for sharing your story with our community!
I know that your diagnosis is a huge burden on your life right now especially when it was coupled with a painful break up. However, remember that when one door closes another will open. It's up to you to recognize it and step through them to reveal the many more amazing and exciting opportunities that life has in store for you.
Feel free to share more because it really does help having a place to go to talk about something that is no so easy to talk about.
Here's to your success and happiness!