Feeling Sad and Confused With Genital Herpes


Thanks for your site, it´s calmed me down a lot, although I am still going through a mix of emotions as I just got diagnosed yesterday only by physical examination, though, so I´m waiting to take the other tests to be sure.

I do, however, have most of the symptoms listed here so I´m bracing myself. I, like many others am confused.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half and we have both been faithful to each other. He has gotten tested numerous times and always been negative for all STDs including herpes. I, too, have gotten tested but only with this diagnosis did I realize that herpes is generally not included in some STD Testing, so I´m waiting to hear confirmation on if it was tested or not.

Basically I got tested for STDs 3 weeks ago, hadn´t had sexual relations in over a month and then saw my boyfriend last Saturday, and by Monday night I had developed a fever and slight rash.

If I wasn't with anyone other than him and I had barely seen him 2 days before I started developing symptoms does this mean I had the virus long before and it just had an outbreak now?

Or that somehow I had a very quick reaction and got it from him? But in 2 days?? And after numerous other times that we had had unprotected sex??

Before my boyfriend I hadn't been with anyone else in a year and a half, could the virus have been dormant for that long??

The doctor has prescribed some treatment for me but basically if my boyfriend has an outbreak now, does that mean I gave it to him?

He is now questioning if I was faithful to him but I of course know that I have been. I find no other explanation except that I did have this a long time ago and my STD testing didn´t cover it and that for some reason I just had an outbreak now, even after at least two months of my boyfriend and I having unprotected sex.

Would appreciate any thoughts you have. Thanks.

Thank you for sharing your questions here with our community. I'm sure that many others have the same questions and hopefully my responses will help you and many others.

I don't want to make you any more confused but although HSV is a rather straightforward type of virus, it really is an "individualized" critter (forgive me...I live in Texas!). What I mean by this is it affects everyone a little differently.

Although the information that you'll find available about the symptoms of herpes and such is pretty much "black and white", you should keep in mind that they are based on the averages of nearly 50 million people and may not be an accurate reflection of your symptoms and the way your body has reacted to HSV.

With this in mind I'll answer your questions the best that I can...

You wrote..."If I wasn't with anyone other than him and I had barely seen him 2 days before I started developing symptoms does this mean I had the virus long before and it just had an outbreak now?"

Yes you could have had the virus for a long time and it could have laid dormant but I seriously doubt that it stayed dormant. What I mean by this is that you probably experienced extremely mild outbreaks before and never paid them too much attention or mistaken them for another condition.

This happens a lot and more times than most people will admit and can explain just about everything that you are experiencing but...

I do have a question for you. Why after being in a committed relationship for a year and a half are you having a STD test?

I know this is really none of my business and you don't have to answer but normally this indicates that you have had suspicions of some kind. The answer here may provide you with the answers to your other questions or fears.

Wishing You Success and Happiness!


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Jul 19, 2012
No More Confusion!
by: Lynne Gordon

If I understand correctly, you scheduled the tests after being visually diagnosed because of an outbreak. Is this correct?

Look, I am not a part of this organization so it's okay if you get mad at me for saying what I am about to say and I am also a woman, much older but still, so here it is.

Men will do a lot of unhealthy things even when they tell you that they love you and they want to spend the rest of their lives with you.

You should NEVER have unprotected sex with anyone because unless you are married to them, they can pick up and go at any time.

They can still do that after you are married but being married does give you more stability.

You MUST respect yourself enough to tell any many that you will not have unprotected sex with him AT ANY TIME!

It's not that hard to do and once you tell him NO once, if he continues to try to get you to have unprotected sex, that is a WARNING BELL that should go off in your head! THIS MAN DOES NOT MEAN YOU ANY GOOD!

Trust me, I've been around a long time and the games that men run on women haven't changed very much.

Some of the weaker men in our society even seek out girls with low self-esteem so that they can manipulate their minds to get what they want.

The poor girl thinks she has found Prince Charming when all she really has is a social psychopath who fully intends to prey upon her until he gets what he wants... then he's gone.

And can I address your confusion for a moment? What are you confused about? I understand that you are deeply hurt, but this is a time when you need to pull it together and take a cold, hard look at what you've gotten yourself into.

Find a quiet place, give yourself a good hour and just sit and reflect on whats going on in your life now and how you want to change it.

Sometimes it helps me to write things down and examine what I just wrote. If it is negative, I put it in 1 pile. If it is positive I put it in another.

At the end of the hour, I pick up the negatives. I look at them all and decide what I will do about them. Write that down and put it in the positive pile. BURN the negative note. and watch it disappear from your life as it goes up in flames.

Then post all your positives all around the house and look at them and remember them everyday until they become a reality in your life.

I know it may sound kooky, but this therapy has helped me since I was 13 years old. I am now 62.

P.S. There are a lot worse things than HSV2 that you could have gotten by having unprotected sex in 2012.

God Bless,

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