Feeling Mad and Ashamed With Genital Herpes!

I'm 32 and have always practiced safe sex or so I thought. One night a friend from high school and I went for one to many drinks and ended up in bed.


He performed oral sex on me and a week later I got my first outbreak. After going to the doctors I called and told him and he was surprised and said he didn't know he had it.

Several months later I have now gotten my second outbreak and the feelings of rage and humiliation are rising. I'm mad, ashamed and scared that no man will want to deal with me having this disease.

I had no one to talk to and told my mom because I'm staying with her at the moment, the sound in her voice and embarrassment in her face made me feel even worse. I want to scream at this man but I know it will get me no where. What can I do I'm so ashamed?

Thank you for taking the time to tell your story and share it with our community. I'm proud of you for taking this important step.

I changed the title of your post because your question reflects your feelings of feeling ashamed and angry more that confronting the person who transmitted the virus.

You may or may not know it but this was your first step to healing. Having an place to share your problems without feeling judged is powerful so rest assured that you are on the right path and that you have 50 million people living with herpes on your side.

The feelings that you are going through are normal and nearly everyone of us have also experienced the same feelings of shame at some point in our lives with herpes. Some experience them right away and in some it may take months before a situation arises that forces those feelings to come to the surface. But we all experience this stage.

But rest easy knowing that these feelings are only temporary.

The fact that after only 2 months and you're in the anger stage of coping with your diagnosis is showing me that you are progressing nicely and you should be proud of yourself. You can read more about the stages here: Coping With A Herpes Diagnosis

It is also important for you to realize that having HSV does not define the person that you are. The more that you worry about it the more that you are allowing it to do just that. The more that you worry about it the more that things are going to get worse.

So step up and force the self pity to leave your mind and focus on the qualities that make you feel special. When you're feeling ashamed, you are cheating the world out of all the opportunities to share with us the amazing qualities that you have to offer. So reverse your path and find those unique things that make you the amazing person that you are!

I wish that I could share with you a quick and easy solution. The only way to stop these feelings is for you to stop them yourself. No one can make you feel a certain way unless you allow them to...the same applies to herpes. If you refuse to allow it to control your life...it can't!

Please feel free to post more questions and perhaps others reading this can provide their insights too.

Wishing You Success and Happiness,

Ed

May Peace Be With You!

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