Accepting Herpes - I Just Can't!

by B
(California, USA)

The other day I went to the doctor because I had extreme irritation down there. She said its probably a yeast infection or possibly herpes.

She gave me two medications and didn't tell me one was for herpes. She just said it will make the pain go away. A couple days later it just got worse and worse. So I went back to a specialist maybe to give me some peace of mind or prescribe me something to relieve the pain.

She walks in and asks me, "So what am I supposed to help you with? It's just a outbreak of herpes there's nothing I can do for you."

I start crying and at that moment she asks me, "You knew you had herpes right?" I couldn't even talk so I shook my head no. She said that on my report from my other visit the other doctor made it sounded like it was surely herpes and she said I could possibly be pregnant too.

So I should cross my fingers for my period. I didn't know how to take it. I'm 18 years old and I'm still a virgin. I just had one stupid night where I was having fun and it was like spur of the moment thing.

I've always been too scared to get into real relationships so I prefer to have my little hook-ups with guys I'm not emotionally attached with, except this one got too far. Plus, this guy was my friend.

Anyways, this doctor was extremely cold about it and looked at me like I was stupid and like it was something that I deserved. I didn't even know how to tell my mom because she went with me to the appointment and obviously something is really wrong if i walk out crying.

So eventually I get in the car and I tell her. She thought I was going to tell her I was pregnant. She said she didn't know what could be worse, and I told her this is worse. Babies are blessings. This is a curse.

I can't help but cry randomly throughout the day and my brothers and my dad keep asking me whats wrong but I cant tell them I just try to play it off like its nothing. Eventually my mom told my dad. I am so angry about that. Even though both of my parents are loving and understanding, its hard enough for my mom to see me in this kind of light, I don't want my dad to see me this way too.

At this point I can't even walk and its so embarrassing trying to get around my house. It just reminds me that I'm dirty and I now have something that will forever live with me. As of now I cant imagine having a life. Falling in love, having kids, just going on normally. I feel like who would love me? I'm damaged goods. At first I had trouble sticking with a guy because I felt like all of them wanted one thing and didn't want me for me and I didn't want to get hurt but now i feel like I don't deserve any guys time or energy.

Hell I was even thinking of going into a convent and becoming a nun or something. But then I thought they probably won't let nuns go in with herpes who am I kidding.

I'm still wondering how I am going to handle this once i feel better.. I don't even know if I'll ever except it. Who knows..

I'm having a hard time grasping the information you've shared. Everything from your symptoms to your second doctor's visit is confusing and really doesn't make sense to me.

I'm even wondering if you have herpes or not. I'd suggest having another test to confirm the diagnosis.

Best of Luck and keep us updated.


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Dec 13, 2011
sharring this....
by: Anonymous

This is like reading my struggle every time I start to care about somebody. I was raped my freshman year of college and if that in itself wasn't the worse way to lose my virginity then to have this left as a reminder makes it so hard to open up.

I have had guys be very accepting, but I have also had a guy I considered a close friend make a comment that people with herpes should stick to there own kind which killed me. I'm surrounded by people who make comments like "well it could be worse you could have herpes" and i want to scream at them that they have no idea how lucky they are as they sleep their way through the 3rd floor of their apartment complex!

Or all the guys who say "I don't use condoms, I just make sure she is on the pill". Its such a stereotypical thing that you have to be a slut, male whore, dirty or stupid to have this be apart of your life.

I am very lucky that in the 12 years I've had this I have only had about 3 break outs. I have tried to educate myself on the risk of me being a girl passing to a guy, as well as what it means to them, but I'm not going to lie part of me wishes I could feel no guilt in just acting like I had no idea because it is one of those things that many people never know they have. DON'T WORRY I COULD NEVER DO THAT.

So I want to know when do you share this, how do you bring it up?

Welcome to our community and thank you for sharing your comments. I know that a lot of people (including me) feel the same way.

Sharing your diagnosis is not a big deal as long as you don't make it a big deal. Sometimes those of us who have HSV are our own worse enemy. More so than the actual virus.

What I mean by this is that we make "the talk" out to be some kind of "climactic" speech that will either make or break our relationships or even worse...validate our own sense of worth.

Nothing is further from the truth. If you make it out to be the most important issue of a relationship then I can assure you that it will be. Always approach the subject as you would just about any other issues in a relationship. I've learned that if you create a strong sense of self-confidence, attraction, knowledge about the virus and learn a few simple techniques on how to deliver the news then having "the talk" is nothing more than a formality.

Do not let your failures define you. Use them to learn and grow. Life throws us curveballs all the time. Without them, life would be pretty boring and we could not grow and become better people.

Each one of us who has HSV can use it to be better people. Come to terms with it and then use it to your advantage.

Wishing you success and happiness


Aug 24, 2011
I cried when i read this
by: Anonymous

Some of these same words i have used. I am almost 20 and have only been with 2 people. My ex cheated on me and gave it to me. I said the same thing about damaged goods, and my mother told my step dad and i freaked out! My mom keeps saying she understands but she doesn't. Its a worthless and hopeless feelings this gives you...

Email me or add me to facebook... I don't know who to talk to

Jul 26, 2011
by: B

When I first wrote this I hadn't had the test confirmed but the doctor said it is what it is. Since then I've had the results and she was right.

OK. One thing I'd like to stress to you is that your life is far from over and it's by no means destroyed. You can choose (and it is a choice) to be depressed and upset or you can choose to live a happy and joyful life. It all boils down to your own frame of mind.

When you begin to learn about the virus and the treatment options available you'll discover that having the virus is nothing more than than a very small distraction. Much like the way most of the medical profession views it. It's really not that big of a deal.

The problem lies within your own mind largely because of what you have been programed to think by society and your friends.

Read through some of the comments here and you'll discover some amazing stories. I'd love to have you post yours too!

So stop feeling sorry for yourself and begin using your diagnosis to your advantage. Let the virus make you a better person. Use it to educate others. Use it to become more healthy. Use it as a spring board to do better things with your life. Use it to make your intimate relationships better. There's so many ways...if you want to. It's your choice. You'll feel much better about yourself.

I've used it to better myself in so many different ways to include building this website. I've used it to help others. I've used it to make a better life for myself by being able to quit my job and work from home. No, this is not my only website however it was my first.

I've used it to actually improve my dating skills. I've never been rejected due to herpes and I tell many more people than I don't. The reason is that it's just not that big of a deal for me. I'm confident and my confidence is communicated through my actions.

I chose to not let this virus keep me down and you can too!

Wishing you success and happiness!


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