Accepting Herpes - I Just Can't!

by B
(California, USA)

The other day I went to the doctor because I had extreme irritation down there. She said its probably a yeast infection or possibly herpes.

She gave me two medications and didn't tell me one was for herpes. She just said it will make the pain go away. A couple days later it just got worse and worse. So I went back to a specialist maybe to give me some peace of mind or prescribe me something to relieve the pain.

She walks in and asks me, "So what am I supposed to help you with? It's just a outbreak of herpes there's nothing I can do for you."

I start crying and at that moment she asks me, "You knew you had herpes right?" I couldn't even talk so I shook my head no. She said that on my report from my other visit the other doctor made it sounded like it was surely herpes and she said I could possibly be pregnant too.

So I should cross my fingers for my period. I didn't know how to take it. I'm 18 years old and I'm still a virgin. I just had one stupid night where I was having fun and it was like spur of the moment thing.

I've always been too scared to get into real relationships so I prefer to have my little hook-ups with guys I'm not emotionally attached with, except this one got too far. Plus, this guy was my friend.

Anyways, this doctor was extremely cold about it and looked at me like I was stupid and like it was something that I deserved. I didn't even know how to tell my mom because she went with me to the appointment and obviously something is really wrong if i walk out crying.

So eventually I get in the car and I tell her. She thought I was going to tell her I was pregnant. She said she didn't know what could be worse, and I told her this is worse. Babies are blessings. This is a curse.

I can't help but cry randomly throughout the day and my brothers and my dad keep asking me whats wrong but I cant tell them I just try to play it off like its nothing. Eventually my mom told my dad. I am so angry about that. Even though both of my parents are loving and understanding, its hard enough for my mom to see me in this kind of light, I don't want my dad to see me this way too.

At this point I can't even walk and its so embarrassing trying to get around my house. It just reminds me that I'm dirty and I now have something that will forever live with me. As of now I cant imagine having a life. Falling in love, having kids, just going on normally. I feel like who would love me? I'm damaged goods. At first I had trouble sticking with a guy because I felt like all of them wanted one thing and didn't want me for me and I didn't want to get hurt but now i feel like I don't deserve any guys time or energy.

Hell I was even thinking of going into a convent and becoming a nun or something. But then I thought they probably won't let nuns go in with herpes who am I kidding.

I'm still wondering how I am going to handle this once i feel better.. I don't even know if I'll ever except it. Who knows..

I'm having a hard time grasping the information you've shared. Everything from your symptoms to your second doctor's visit is confusing and really doesn't make sense to me.

I'm even wondering if you have herpes or not. I'd suggest having another test to confirm the diagnosis.

Best of Luck and keep us updated.

Ed
LWGH