4 Months Living With HSV-1 and Still Have Lots of Questions


So I was diagnosed with HSV-1 about 4 months ago. My (now) ex-boyfriend had oral herpes and performed oral sex right as he was getting a coldsore (and he knew! he just wasn't totally aware of the potential consequences...)

I had my initial outbreak which was when I was diagnosed and haven't been affected since, but I am really afraid of getting back into the dating scene. We just broke up in December and I am not looking for another relationship but I had hoped it'd be possible to do some casual fooling around.

I'm wondering what the stats are if I use a condom and am asymptomatic (and with HSV1 not 2 which I hear sheds a lot less and takes to the genitals a lot less)

If I can't get my hopes up for 'fooling around'... that's very unfortunate...

I'm also really afraid that once I do feel like dating, I'll always be rejected. I don't plan on getting married until I'm around 30!! I don't think people will want to be with me at such a young age because no one is really looking for 'serious' right now.. and there's such stigma around Herpes.

I mean, I get that it is what it is, and that this thing doesn't define me. I'm not saying it won't hurt if I'm rejected (despite the fact that I shouldn't take it too personally), but I know I'll be able to move to the next guy and try again... WHAT IF NO ONE SAYS YES EVER?

No more summer flings? No more flings at all for that matter?? I need to get experience! I like having a guy around... I don't want to have to be incredibly serious... do I need to change what I want?

I'm pretty freaking devastated. Can I get away with not telling?!?! How transmissible is this with HSV-1 and asymptomatic? I've done a ton of research but most of the numbers are for HSV2.

Please help me!!

Thank you for sharing your story with our community. I'm sure that a lot of people out there have the same questions and concerns about having sex with herpes.

In a nut shell, you're right about finding reliable information about the transmission rates of someone who has HSV-1 in the genital area. As far as I know there isn't much that's published. Although the rates will be a little different you should use the same figures that are widely available for transmitting HSV-2 as a guide.

However, the more important issue is not the transmission rates but the fact of having sex with any kind of strain of the virus.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but casual sex (Flings, one night stands) might be over for you...at least for a while.

Why do I say that? Well, you have a moral and legal obligation to tell a potential sex partner that you have HSV. Most of the time it will take developing a relationship (not necessarily a serious relationship) with someone to ensure that you are not rejected. Most of the time, you will not have enough time to develop that relationship with potential one night stand sex partner.

This doesn't mean that you will always be rejected. You know us males...sometimes we think with our "little heads" and you might be able to tell some guy about it and he will agree to have sex with you only after knowing you a couple of hours. It just depends on how much attraction you and him have developed during your short encounter together.

And yes, you could have sex with someone and get away with not telling them but life has a way of changing things up on us when we least expect it. I'm not going to list all of the unintended consequences that could arise but a couple of them are:

1. Your fling ends up being someone you end up falling in love with.

2. Your fling ends up getting the virus from you and presses criminal charges against you.

The bottom line is...

NEVER...NEVER...EVER...have sex with someone without telling them about your condition FIRST! Your organisms and ego are not worth the guilt and the possible consequences.

Wishing Success and Happiness


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